thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
