He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
