He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
