And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
