I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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