Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I enjoy the company of your penis
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
