based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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