just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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