just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
