I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
