I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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