Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His hands were made for my vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
