all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
