Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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