I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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