i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
