somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
