I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
