I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
