I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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