im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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