You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
