can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
