How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
