Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
