Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
