You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
