She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
