like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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