i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
