dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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