k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
