It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
