Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
