He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
