I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
