I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I still have a little drunk in my system
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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