I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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