I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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