i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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