i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
