Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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