ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
one might say we're banned from that church
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
