ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
