forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
