i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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