You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
