My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We need to feng shui this bitch.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
