whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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