i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
