Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
