I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
