You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
