I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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