i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
