As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
