You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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