I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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